hope

hope. that all may experience hope in jesus christ. this is the heart and mission of 'hope of the nations', the non-profit organization we volunteer with that supports the ministry in tanzania that our friends, harold & coni, founded. we spent the last weekend+ with the missionaries and board members up above monterey (beautiful, anyone?). it was so fabulous to have days focused on the hearts and needs that God is calling them to meet there in various ways. opportunities abound to encourage real life change - real HOPE. we spent a lot of time talking about what we believe is an emerging paradigm of missions - the simplicity that we are all called to love God and love our neighbors. their neighbors are tanzanian. our neighbors are americans. the call is the same. the needs and means are different. neither those of us called abroad or called to stay are the answer in and of ourselves, and we are not here to DO for God. but we do have a reason for the Hope that lives within us.

we are excited to continue our service alongside those proclaiming this Hope on another continent. we are excited to remember the faces we love and lived alongside last year in tanzania. we are excited to know that the Body has different members with different purposes. but it is one Body with one Purpose. it is a great personal passion of ours to hope that the american church will recognize and remember these fundamental truths.

jambalaya

this is going to be a random assortment - a jambalaya, if you will - of thoughts that have been collecting in my head but are only now making their way into blog format. i'm not sure if anyone even reads this anymore, but i know i need to start using it again, if for nothing other than the pure discipline of identifying my own thoughts enough from time to time to try to explain them to others. so here goes ...

amazing grace. just watched the movie last night. never knew the slave trade was the origin of the song. totally blown away by wilberforce and his humility - took my mind to the passages our church has been teaching on ... "have mercy on me, a sinner". seems he didn't forget that, even in victory.

schemes. been really convicted lately to not forget there is an enemy who schemes against our hearts and souls. our weapon is prayer and to be honest, i'm pretty lazy in prayer. but lately my heart has been so encouraged by the Spirit to remember i'm not fighting against the flesh and blood and daily in-and-out struggles. the fight is how my heart responds to those flesh and blood struggles. and i'm not really the one fighting. i am the one who needs to turn to the One who will fight. Who am i turning to? myself or my God?

which brings me to my next link in the thought-chain. self. self is a four-letter word. and i really should treat it like that more often. again and again i rely on self. ugh, this is sin. just think of how many things we extol as a culture that are all about self. self-reliance. self-sufficiency. self-esteem. self-assurance. self-inflation. self-promotion. self-regulation. you might be thinking, "hey, this or that isn't a bad thing just because it has the word self in it." my point is not that all things with the word self are inherently evil, but seriously, if you really take the time to think about how MUCH we extol self, it gets rather nauseating. and here's why. we start believing we really are self-reliant, self-sufficient. let me change the pronoun here. I start believing that. I forget to rely wholly on my Maker.

the box. we live in a fast, demanding, expensive corner of the world. we've had some unexpected turns the last few months, and you know the saddest part is that i came home from our trip so determined not to just put it in a box with a pretty bow and look at it every so often with comments like "wasn't that such a lovely trip? ... why yes it was ... and what a lovely bow on that lovely box ... sigh ... ". gross. life was real then and life is real now. it's time for me to start connecting those dots. i plan on taking that box down and unpacking it more. i need to take that box down and unpack it.

the power of three

if you've talked to us this month you know we moved right from Christmas into THREE weddings. and if you haven't talked to us this month ...

well, now you know why.

introducing the triumphant and glowing mr. and mrs. guy e. white the fourth ...

and the stunning mr. and mrs. jeremiah lee ...
and the brave mr. and mrs. timothy wayne isbell

(brave for having an outdoor wedding in january :) ) ...

we got some awesome times with some awesome friends ...

and it's not every weekend you get to dress up so shnazzy ... well, it was every weekend for three weeks, but it will probably be a while until we get to play dress up again ...

... and sorry ladies, but i will always think i got the BEST man ...

each one was as unique as the couple it celebrated. we were of course thrilled and honored to be a part of each one ... but we're also pretty happy about having a wedding-free weekend :)!

It's Time

Time for ... PICTURES. With the New Year upon us and a BUSY season just behind, we're going to rely on the power of photos to share what life has held these past few weeks and months.


In November we got to spend ten days taking care of these fabulous three littles ...

Varney, Emily & Maggie ... too cute, right?

... and somebody turned 30 ...




... and we got lots of opportunities to hang out with the most perfect baby - Sophie ...
... and spend Christmas with family - this was my best Christmas present ...
... and our lil' sis, Cait, returned from Germany in time for Christmas fun with our most fabulous and entertaining niece, Alli Kay - "MAS PRESENTS!" ...
... just yesterday we celebrated our dear Kristen Jones becoming Mrs. Kristen White ... ... and in general just keep lovin' the chance to live life together.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!!!

powerless

i hate feeling powerless. i might hate it more than any other sensation. it's not a new feeling. it shouldn't surprise me. it's something my head reconciled a long time ago. but i still hate it.

the thing is, i don't know that i ultimately want power (some would call it control, but i want to avoid that word so as to side-step the "control freak" title), but in moments that i'm aware of how much power i DON'T have, it's like a rug just got pulled out from under me. why is that? i already knew there was no rug, why am i surprised when i look down and see it's not there?

since updating this blog has fallen by the wayside (something that IS within my power and brings up my other weakness: not doing something because i'm embarassed by how long i haven't done it already ... and so the cycle goes), i want everyone to understand that really, our lives are practically fantastic right now and i'm just in the middle of a little meltdown. my plate's been full, my wheels have been spinning, and my heart's been connected to a lot of those wheels. so i'm tired. and when i get tired, i feel like all the energy i've expended to make me so tired feels futile, and thus the powerlessness.

wheel #1: jason's medical mystery continues. test upon test upon test. what we now know is that there is fluid build-up, at least in the ear and maybe in the head? what we don't yet know is whether the cause can be identified. we really don't want to just treat symptoms, but are running out of options on finding the cause. the biggest challenge is his fatigue level - it's just not who he's ever been, so it's taken a lot for either of us to adjust to it, and at the same time, we'd rather not "just adjust" - what's really going on inside him!?

wheel #2: a new field of law for me. i'm now working with a *dear* friend in long beach two days a week. she runs a family law practice and i'm not gonna lie, it's just never easy learning a new field. but i must say, the hour commute is a lot easier to handle now that i've seen how some traffic systems work!

wheel #3: speaking of new fields, i've ventured into the real estate market and have been working with some friends to try and sell their home here in corona (yes, in the worst market in the nation). i can hardly explain how exhausting this has been (which shouldn't be a surprise given the last parenthetical, but like i said, even if i know a rug isn't there, i still land flat on my butt when i feel like it got yanked out from under me). in fact, let me take a minute to solicit prayers that we can close escrow!!! i'm ready to be just the friend again and drop the agent title.

and while i jog on my little spinning wheels, i'm still trying to reconcile what i know to be True about He who has made us and considers powerless lessons a good thing, designed to remind me
that He likes to be depended on, needs to be depended on, and is the only truly powerful or dependable source i've got.